Strange I know for me to say, but I'm serious. You know I love me some football...it's pretty much what I plan my weekend around...plus this time of year with the world series overlapping with the NFL, I'm usually never happier. But I realized that women shouldn't be sports fans...they don't know how to do it. I know this now by seeing how men act after the big game. Men knew this already...they knew women can't do it. They just couldn't tell us.
Men love watching sports, having fantasy leagues, hanging out in sports bars, and standing around with men at social gatherings talking about whose team is up and whose fantasy team is kickin' ass...and I may know more than most of these men when it comes to stats, team politics, and what's new on Sports Center, but I am not welcome in these conversations.
I usually chalked it up to living in Chicago and NOT loving the Bears...(I like the Bears and cheer for them when they play well, but I have serious problem with how they as an organization are run. Plus the fact that I can't stand whimpy Jay and even whimpier Lovey. If "Fire Lovey" was on a tee-shirt I would wear it every Sunday. I can not stand there on Monday morning with the other fella's and high five talking about how great that "W" feels. It doesn't feel good at all. A few good throws from Mr. Not-So-Tough-Guy-Jay and a few lucky special team plays does NOT equal a long term winning team with a half rate no emotion sucky coach.) Phew. Sorry.
Ok. (Starting to sweat a bit). This was not going to be a rant on how much I hate the Bears. But in a way I've proved my point. "Women" are too emotional. They have their teams and love them and can not stand to see them lose. Men can slap the back of their Sunday enemy on Monday and smile and say "good game" or "almost had ya" or "way to go" or "we'll see next week". But not women. Women will take any reason, any excuse to hate each other. Case in point...Saturday Wisconsin played MSU. I live near MSU fans and they were outside when some Badger fans walked by...probably heading to local bar...they were "geared up" with t-shirts and hats and oh my god you would have thought the "West Side Story" music was playing in the background, but instead of dancing away their differences they were going to pull some gang shit and have at each other. Did I mention all these people were women? Men don't act that way. Now we are outside a lot on weekends and people frequently walk by headed to the bar supporting their favorite teams and only a few times have I wanted to throw things...I mean, smile and high five them and say "good luck"...really though, anyone but Patriot fans are more than safe to walk down our street. And only once have I been asked to leave a bar...but for Christ sake Dallas fans suck...and I don't steal flags anymore or end friendships over a missed call....just kidding. (Wow, totally sweating) Women just can't do it...they can't keep it friendly and sportsmanlike. They get too involved when their team loses or god forbid their team wins. Now it's true, that I refuse to go to Wrigley field when they play the Cardinals...but that's not because the Cubs lose, it's because the Cardinals will be up by 8 runs in the 7th and their fans are still yelling their heads off and talking smack about how the Cubs suck. (*Sidebar: If you're a Cubs fan you do care that they lose, don't get me wrong, but you love them and you're not going to stop loving them because they haven't won anything thing in a billions years...they're your team...if you jumped bandwagons you'd be a quitter and Chicago fans are no quitters.) Ok. Mostly I get upset because It's disrespectful and rude...and unnecessary, I mean there's no need to rub it in! But they can't help it...they don't understand Wrigley Field...what do they have? A 5 year old stadium bought by beer money...not the same. See, woman can't handle it. They have to drink beer, a lot of beer, and take a Xanax, and be alone, and turn down offers to go watch game at people's houses, and not go to bars, and sit alone and hope to high hell that their team wins...for once, for the love of god, for all that is good and holy...oh my god win! And when they do win, it's not good enough....they flash forward to the SuperBowl party they will throw and what types of cheese to serve...I mean food. Wow. Ok. That was a lot and I may have to stop.
And then women get upset over doping. Like why are players in the MLB, NBA, and NFL are protected from drug testing? I mean why aren't baseball players randomly drug tested before games like the world series? Because of money. Because of advertising. Because if half of the world series players were caught doping 2 days before game 5 and they were suspended the network, the advertisers, and team owners would lose a ton of money. So the players unions, and owners, and commissions protect the players from this happening. They wait until some doctor spills the beans and names names...starting a scandal and talks on the hill, and news of rule and policy changes~which by the way they don't.
Ok. Sports rant over. I am woman, hear me roar...and though I've mellowed and no longer yell mean things out my window as people in opposing team shirts walk by, I continue to love sports...even the ones riddled with doping...and the ones where the QB's cheat on their wives who have cancer or are gay and refuse to come out of closet *(note: I hate them 'cause they won't come out, not because they're gay). I love it all. I am even going to watch game 5 of World Series tonight and while I stare at the huge heads that are caused by steroid use, and try to think which team is the lesser of two evils to cheer for...I will breathe in the October night and enjoy the game! (with my xanax and alcohol)
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